The trend in 2019 seems to be self care and taking time for yourself.  Just this morning, I read an article about the importance of a “momcation”…like what is that even a word?! While it is very important to take time for yourself (it is honestly something I struggle with doing) it is also important to remember those around you.  I am sure it will be a constant waxing and weaning throughout life

So by taking all the self care advice, well actually just listening to my husband and our family, I booked our 5 year anniversary trip to Antigua.  And let me tell you, the feeling after booking and paying for a non-refundable trip, gave me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I thought I would be jumping for joy and so excited to spend 5 nights alone with my husband on a beautiful beach with food and drinks provided for me without having to cook a meal or clean up, and sleeping in, and really doing whatever we want to do for a few days.  But instead, I felt sick to my stomach and the anxiety flooded in.

My thoughts for the next couple days were consumed with this trip.  How could I have purchased non-refundable (was saving $700 really worth it)? Why did we pick a place that has a connecting flight (we live in Atlanta with so many direct flights)? Why did we pick a place so.far.away (we should have just driven to Florida or gone to the Keys)? What if I still want to breastfeed Walker (he is still so young and I nursed Reid until he was 15 months)? What if something happens to the boys (they can be quite the handful)? What if my extremely generous in-laws get overwhelmed having the boys for so long (why didn’t I book a shorter trip, like really!!)? Seriously, the list goes on and on and on…

My thoughts and feelings really surprised me, as in the past I feel instantly excited and uplifted after booking a trip.  Then again, I have never left my boys for that long.  After much worrying and debating with myself, I accept the fact that life has changed.  I accept that gone are the days of a worry-free vacation planning and anxiety-free anticipation for a vacation.  It is just my new reality and the reality when you have children.

At the end of the day, I know we will have an absolute blast and I know that my in-laws will take great care of our children.  I know that we will miss the boys, but I know they will love spending time with their grandparents.  I know it will be a time to reconnect and focus on ourselves and our marriage.  I know this trip will improve our family.  The pros way outweigh the cons, but I also know that I will be so excited to see my little boys when we get back!