Let me start this by saying this comes from the heart. As I write this I in no way want to offend anyone or seem to be ungrateful. I just feel the need to speak from my heart and the place that I am currently at. My purpose behind this post is that maybe people can relate and feel a sense of relief that they are not alone in their feelings.
Lets talk about being the best mom you can be. Lately, I have felt burnt out. It is not fair to my children, my husband or myself. It pains me to feel that I haven’t been giving the absolute best version of myself to them. I want to show up in my life as the best I can be every.single.day and lately it has become a challenge.
My feelings stem from the amount of time that I have been spending with my children with little to no break. I am a stay at home mom and I absolutely LOVE it, I could not imagine not being with my children for multiple hours every single day and getting to witness their development and be there for all the ups and downs. I am so thankful that I get to fulfill my lifelong dream of raising my babies and being able to live this life where I can be with them as much as possible before they enter the “real world.”
That being said, my daily life prior to covid consisted of small but healthy breaks from my children. Sure Reid was in preschool for a few hours every week, but my real break came in form of play dates. Playdates are an amazing thing that revive everyone—the boys play with friends and I get to socialize with my friends. It is amazing to have this time, it is so good for the soul and makes me feel connected with others and allows my children to grow socially and develop friendships and relationships vital for their growth.
Covid and the pandemic has put a halt in these play dates. I am a super type a, almost hypocrandic and have a hard time loosening the reigns especially when there is a pandemic going around. This has created a new level of anxiety and allowing our family to socialize.
I realize that the need to socialize is so key to my mothering style. Having playdates and small breaks where I am not the main entertainer is vital for me to not feel burnt out. So what do I do? I cannot go wild and have playdates with everyone we used too–but what I am doing is visiting friends who have been cautious. We are using sanitizer, washing hands and spraying with lysol.
We do not have family around us and our parents are being understandably cautious during this time—so we visit our friends who are like family to us. We are trying our best to stay healthy and respectful of the current situation, but for my mental health and the health and happiness of our family, we are letting our guard down just a little and starting to visit friends again.
I am hopeful that with these little breaks, that I will start to feel like a good mom again and will be able to show up as the best version of myself for my family. It is painful to admit that I am not being the best I can be, but I am human and taking care of 2 little individuals full time without a break for 3 months–I think anyone would feel a little burnt out.
If you are feeling at all like me, please know that we are all just doing our best and our best at this time can look a lot different than our best 5 months ago. Life is a journey and it has its ups and downs—its all about how you ride the wave and get back to the top. Here is to getting back to our best version!